Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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