Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
