just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Hippo gnu deer
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
