a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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