oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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