Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
