The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
