did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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