this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
