he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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