Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
