Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sorry my hands just texted you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
