youre lurking in front of me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
