so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
