your parents love me but you hate me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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