Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
