Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
