i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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