Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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