so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
