I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
