I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I still have a little drunk in my system
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
