am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
