some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
