You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
