Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
