I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
soo... how was my night?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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