Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
