i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
