This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
