Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
