I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
