sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
