bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
where are my eyebrows?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
