Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
