Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
