Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
