I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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