the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
