Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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