Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
