you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
