ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You made out with two different species that night
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
