I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
