wrigley field is MILF paradise
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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