She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
