Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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