If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
