If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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