sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
