9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
