If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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